Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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