I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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