Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
