meet me or not, i'm out of control
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
