i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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