If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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