just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
