I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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