dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
