New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize