An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
