You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
