Can i not drive my cunt home
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize