You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
