I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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