Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
