My room smells like vodka and shame
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
