i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
