i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
