david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
