I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
