look no pants
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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