I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
