I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize