i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i now understand why vodka
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
