i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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