a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
