just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
