I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize