drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
