I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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