A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize