I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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