I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize