peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
