Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize