Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
