Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
