This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
