when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
