I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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