U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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