She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
