I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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