my vag is so smooth its legendary
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
