Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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