my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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