You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
