I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
