I cannot find my penis.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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