i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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