Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
