There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i think my cat just said my name.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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