i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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