If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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