plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
