If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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