she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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