My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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