i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
