Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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