you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
