How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize