so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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