i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
