hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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