He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
