nut hugger
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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