so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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