he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
