Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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