what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
