Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
