Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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