Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
