saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
