Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
