I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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