when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
