like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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