you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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