What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
