it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
