there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
