Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
