I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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