my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
