I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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