I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
