Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
