i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
