My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All the doctor said was why
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
