I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
