I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
...so i touched it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
