how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
