Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
