Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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