Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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