chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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