barbara walters just said penis...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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