god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
