Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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