Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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