Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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