We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
