pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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