I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
