I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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