i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
