I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
