Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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