he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
