laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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